Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
