oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
