So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
