Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
