At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
