How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
