I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
