New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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