I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
