I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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