I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
