Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
