My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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