So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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