i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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