weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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