yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
