I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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