So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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