i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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