I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize