Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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