She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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