do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
