All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's never too late to be topless.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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