I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
