I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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