A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
