What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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