So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
