I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize