thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sext me about skeletons
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
