nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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