My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
