You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
