Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
