I bet he comes in French.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
