Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
