Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
