i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
