my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
