I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
