No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
