Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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