She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
