Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
