On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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