you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
