you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
