I think my vagina is haunted
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
