And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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