I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm bleeding and have questions
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
