we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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