Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your penis caused this!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
