Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
