I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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