I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
