My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
