a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
