dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
