You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
