dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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