Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
