there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
