Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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