her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
