$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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