you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
50% drunk capacity currently
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
