Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
