Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
