the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
