Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She bit a glass in half.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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