he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can you bring me the toilet please
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize