Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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