i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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