we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
