I'm going to jail i love you
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
