Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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