a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
