Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
