i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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