I could make wine with my vomit
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We smell like vodka and hangover
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
