i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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