my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
