We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
