it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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