it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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