just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
