So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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