Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
