No stitches, just platelets and will power
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
