thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
