My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
